Camping Temel Altausee

To the tune of Hotel California by ‘The Eagles’

On a dark mountain highway, cold wind in my hair
Warm smell of the heaters, rising up through the air.
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering lake
The dogs looked happy but the night looked grim
We had to stop for their sake.

There she stood in the doorway
I heard the warning bell
And I was thinking to myself
‘This could be Heaven but she’ll make it Hell’
Then she filled in a guest card and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say;

“Welcome to the Camping Temel Altausee
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Twenty One Rules at the Camping Temel Altausee
Any time of year (any time of year) you will find them here.”

Her mind is tough and she’s listed, new rules by the tens

She got a lot of petty, petty rules, that she won’t bend
How she lurks in the corners, she’ll catch you I bet

Some rules you’ll remember, some rules you’ll forget…

So she called up the Captain
‘Please bring me more signs’
He said, “We haven’t had high spirits here since nineteen sixty-nine!”
And still those voices are calling from far away
‘No lights on in the middle of the night’
Or you’ll hear her say;

“Welcome to the Camping Temel Altausee
Such a lovely place (such a lovely place)
Such an angry face
If you’re livin’ it up at the Camping Temel Altausee
You’ll get a nice surprise (a nice surprise), bring your alibis…”

No point in appealing
‘Verboten’s’ the price
And she said, “You are all just rule-breakers here, of your own device”
And to the privy chambers
He went down for a pee

Again he found another sign
YOU MUST SIT DOWN FOR A WEE!

Last thing I remember, dogs were running for the door

I couldn’t shout, I couldn’t run, or I’d breach rules 2 & 4.

‘Don’t relax’ said the night man
‘Dogs are programmed to wear leads.
You can’t check out any time you like
But by 12 you vill leave!’

The best guitar solo in the world, allegedly scribbled on the back of an envelope during a flight to Denver…

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Lyrics by M. Lambert & J. Lambert with a little help from Messrs Frey, Henley & Felder.

If you wonder what we do for entertainment on long journeys; we wrote these lyrics as we departed Austria on the autobahn!

We intend to write a kick ass guitar solo on the back of an envelope on our next flight to Denver.